naru crack fic
by naru-chan1221
Summary: well i dont know how to explain this...


HO HO HO MOTHERFUCKERS... ok sorry that was uncalled for, its no where near Christmas time. Well let me explain how this is going to work, I'll tell you about my life through this inner monologue, and your going to laugh at my life and friends, Kay? No? Well fuck you too!... anyways, let's get back on track, i have few friends, one of which is my best friend who's name is Kiba Inuzuka, also known as my bitch.

"Hey, cactus fucker!"... shit he's found me.

"Speak of the devil..." I say sarcastically.

"If were speaking of the devil, gaara will be mad he wasn't included in the spawning of Satan." He said pulling me to my feet.

"Let's stop speaking if Satan before lord Prick shows up."

I guess I should explain. Gaara my mental unstable friend. Blood red hair, seafoam green eyes kanji symbol for love tattooed above his right eye. That's a story for another time though.

Lord prick, the famous Sasuke Uchiha. He used to be one of our friends then he became a prick with a fucking stick up his ass. I'm not going going to talk theme anymore because I have other things to explain.

"HEY DICK FACE!" Jesus fucking Christ why is he yelling?! I sighed... fucking bitch. "Choji asked you a question." He said leaning on my shoulder. "Huh? Oh sorry cho, what'd you -YOU BITCH GIVE ME BACK MY FOOD!" Fucking asshole taking my food. I heard a faint "troublesome" come from behind me as I was chasing choji. He may not look it, but that fat ass can run. "Shut up shika! That dick stole my food!"

Shika sighed, turns out I was to distracted with Shika I didn't notice the man walking in front if me, I ran into him and fell on my ass with a loud 'thud'. I looked up sheepishly, kiba's laughter not helping. "I'm s-sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going." I said with my eyes glued to my feet. Now I may be loud and energetic with my friends, but as soon as I'm forced to talk with someone who isn't them, I turn in a shy school-girl. "Nonsense naru, its my fault." The man said, my face brightened with the sound of his voice. "IRUKAAA~" I yelled glomping him to the floor. "Calm down naru, I'm your teacher remember." He said patting my head. I sighed, "yeah, yeah. I know..." I inhaled and caught the smell of the best thing in existence, "RAMENNNN!" I yelled jumping up and down with glee. Iruka smiled brightly and handed me 5 cups of already made ramen. "thanks dad!" I said motioning him to sit with me. He smiled and followed taking a seat next to me. "Hello Umino-san." They all said in unison. "I've told you guys before, Umino-san is for in class only." He said smiling brightly.

"Wait... where is...?" Kiba started eyes widening.

"Haven't seen him yet" Choji said through a mouth full of chips.

My eyes widened. "SHIT, SHIT SHIT! DON'T TELL ME HE...?" I yelled.

"Naruto watch your mouth." Iruka said and hit my on the head.

"Not the time for that. I haven't seen gaara yet. And all hell brakes looses when he isn't here early." I said frantically.

"Calm down Haruhi, no need to get you panties in a bunch." He said walking up and sitting down next to shikamaru, leaning his back on a tree. "What is your fascination with nicknaming me after female anime characters?" I asked eye twitching slightly, at kiba's as laughter.

"Come on, Lucy. I'm not allowed to mess with you?" He said taking a bit of his sandwich. "Please I get enough of that from my bitch" I said receiving a smack from Iruka.

"NARUTO!" Iruka screamed. "Sorry." I said quietly.

"So where were you gaara?" Iruka asked, turning all attention to Iruka. "He didn't." Kiba whispered. "No way... he just asked...?" Choji followed. "Troublesome." Was heard from Shika. "RUN!" I yelled as loud as my body would let me. We all scrambled to our feet and backed away. "What's wrong?" Iruka said, puzzlement written all over his face. Gaara smirked, " well Iruka-sensei, I could show you if you want." He said darkly. "I got gaara, you get Iruka away from here!" I yelled tackling gaara back against the tree. I seen them all running away with the help of my peripheral vision.

I sighed, "that was close" I mumbled to myself. "Look tsubaki, as much as you enjoy being so close to me, I need to breath." Gaara said from under me. "In your dreams." I said getting off of him. "No I'm pretty sure I need to breath in the material plain too, Lisanna" he said. My eyes widened, "What did you just call me?" I asked clenching my fists. "I called you lisanna, are you deaf?" Did he just fucking..? "YOU ASSHOLE!" I yelled. He back away slightly, shocked be my outburst. "why? What's wrong with lis- oh fuck!" I see of finally hit him. "I completely forgot her brother killed-" "don't you fucking dare continue" I growled. I have always had a special place in my heart for lisanna. I was so sad when she died I went into depression for a week. "Sorry" he muttered and placed his hand on my shoulder. I sighed, he never meant it, he just slipped like anyone would. "Its fine" I said and gave him an bright smile. "Come on Maka, we have class." He said and grabbed my hand pulling me away from my tree. "Fine whatever" I grumbled, fucking assholes making me go to cla- "I'm not an asshole so stop thinking it." Gaara said and smirked at my shocked expression.

"DEVIL!" I yelled and playfully punched his arm. "Bitch I might be!" He yelled back and ran away. I smirked, let the games begin. I chased him down for about half an hour yelling random insults. When I was just about caught up with him, he stopped dead in his tracks making me slam into his back, bringing both of us to the ground. "What the hell bitch?" I asked, when I received no reply, I looked up and noticed he was glaring at something. I was lying on my back with gaara's legs under me so I had to bend my neck so I could see. -if i were standing up straight, i would be looking at the sky-

"oh fuck" I breathed loud enough for only gaara to hear. He glanced down at me and pulled me close in a protective manner, still glaring at lord prick.

I guess I should explain, in my first year here, always bullied me, it wasn't just name calling, he would physically beat me. He once put me in a coma for a day, Most of the time I got away with a few broken ribs though. I shrank down trying to make myself disappear. He, this fucking bastard, is why I'm so shy.

I heard a growl escape from garra's throat, causing me to nuzzle up to him. I could see it, the enjoyment written all over his face, the smirk he wore, I could see it on every detail, and I hated it. I tried to talk but all that came out was a small whimper. Gaara's fingers gently brushed through my messy hair. "Its ok, I'm right here" he whispered. I nodded into his chest. "What the hell do you want, Uchiha?" He growled. I put my arms around gaara's neck pulling myself into a ball on his lap. "Simple, I want the whore sitting on your lap" he said as if it was a normal thing. Did I mentioned he almost raped me and spread rumors that I was a whore? No? Well he did, reason 2 on why I'm shy.

Back to the story, gaara draped his arm over my shoulder. "And what do you plan to so with him?" Gaara asked, anger woven in his voice. "Well, how do you say it? I want to... fuck him." Sasuke said walking closer. Gaara stood up and gently pushed me behind him. "Excuse me?" He growled. "Oh sorry I forgot you were an idiot. I want to... pillage, sexually assault, revenge... _rape_" he said smirking. I began to shiver slightly as images of last time played through my head. "Over my dead body." Gaara exclaimed.

I figured I had to do something. So I texted the smartest asshole in this school. _send _"3..." I whispered to myself and gaara. He knew what would happen, it always did. "2.." and '_it' _or should I sat they went by the names of shikamaru Nara, Kakashi Hatake, and kiba Inuzuka. "1..." I said. Garra's physically relaxed a smirk spreading across his face. "Now!" I said and a loud i/boom/i was heard. "DON'T LAY A HAND ON MY SON!" was heard from across the courtyard. Wow i didn't expect Iruka to be here. I couldn't hear him, but shika was probably muttering something along the lines of 'troublesome'. I looked at sasuke, his eyes wide with fear. Ha! serves him right. Kakashi walked over to us to make sure we were ok. As we walked back to kakashi side, I looked back to see how far Iruka went, but what I saw was not what I expected...

I frantically scanned the area praying what I seen was a lie. Nothing, it was all real. "IIIRRRRUUUUKKKKAAAAAA!" I yelled running over and pushing him off Sasuke. I looked at the by, blood, bruises and cuts everywhere... I kinda felt bad, I mean I hated the boy, but I didn't want him to die... ok I did, but I didn't want Iruka to be charged with murder.

"Iruka, calm down. I don't want you to go to prison for murder." I said and grabbed his hand like a child. "Besides, you saved me" I said and squeezed his hand slightly. He looked down at me, blood covering most of his face making him look evil. He clenched his hand, and smiled. "Naru, I love you" he said looking me in the eyes. "I know, I love you too." I said and he leaned down and kissed my forehead.

"Cough, cough" I heard Shika say, yes he said 'cough cough'. "Yea I know, come on Iruka." I said and started pulling him away from campus with Shika and kashi ahead of us. "Ok this time we go left." I heard kakashi say. "BUT WE WENT LEFT THE LAST TWO TIMES." I yelled back to him. "Well I don't care! We went right the five times before that!" Kashi yelled to me. I glanced at Iruka, shock written all over his face. "Hey kashi, this is iruka's first time. How 'bout we show him 'round?" I asked a smirk spreading over kakashi and my faces. "Oh goody, been awhile since I gave the tour." He said slowing down to be inline with me and Iruka. "No kakashi, your not giving him the tour, You almost killed yourself and naru When we first found this place" Shika said slowing down also.

"Wait a second... you've done this before?" Iruka asked. "Around 14" Shika said taking the position of lead. "Yup, we even have a super cool hang out" kakashi chimed in. "I was the one who started all this..." I said quietly. "And the one who found the base" I said louder making a peace sign with my right hand. "Left or right decide." Shika said loudly. "Right" I chanted. "It has the old factory where we can get wood for the new frame." I said smiling brightly. "But left has the abandon weapons factory!" Kakashi argued. "Ok that's right. ok we go left, I need a new blade." I said to Shika. Iruka stared at me, seemingly trying to ask a important question, but not knowing how to word it.

"ok we go left." Shika said and turned around the corner. "Don't forget the code's 42-42-564 [1]" I said as we neared the factory. I glanced at Iruka again, he looked a bit scared, but mostly shocked. I grabbed him hand again, "its ok Iruka, well be fine." I said as we came to a stop by the old weapons factory. " you know... I heard someone bought the place." Shika said, opening the door. I smirked, "good, maybe well have some fun." I said walking in the old building. I pulled on a sword that was in the ground making a hidden door open. I smiled at Iruka's shocked expression. "come on ruka! Its really fun!" Kakashi yelled from inside the secret room. Iruka slowly followed reluctantly, looking around quite often. We quickly got the knives and left, Iruka glad to get out of there. "Ok, just wondering, why didn't my bitc- kiba come?" I asked remembering Iruka was next to me, And would probable scold me if I cussed. "Hey was playing with Akamaru, told me to fuck off" Shika said letting me take lead. I sighed, classic kiba. "Well whatever, let's hurry up." I said turning down a dark alley. "Agreed!" Kakashi and shikamaru both said. We continued on the route to the hideout, stopping at a gas station to get pocky and ramen. We finally arrived about 12:58. "Ok who's turn is it?" I asked stopping in front of the heave metal door. "I believe its my turn" kakashi said smiling behind his mask.

"No, you went last time, its either mine or naruto's" Shika started, " and since I 'take too long' you guys banned me from doing it, so looks like its naruto's" shika finished. I sighed, "ok but... you know the rule. Iruka pay attention to this, no matter what you hear, DO NOT open this door." I said pointing to the door behind me. I turned around after getting a nod from Iruka. I took a deep breath and grasped the old sliver handle. "If I die, I was all of you to beat the living shit out Sasuke, and I want you to tell kiba 2 things, first tell him 'Naruto said he'll miss is bitch in hell.' And also give him some of my money and tell him 'buy akumaru a new toy, he seems pretty bored with your dick' Kay?" I said turning my head to look at them. Iruka... shocked. Shika...bored. kakashi... smirking. Good at least he'll do it. "See you in hell" kakashi said and waved.

I turned the handle and ran in slamming the door behind me. Jump over the wire, duck under the motion sensor, stop, let the arrows shoot, run, turn off the alarm. "OK ITS GOOD!" I yelled to shikamaru and kakashi. They walked and and hit the light switch. Yes I did all that in the dark, Awesome right? "Naru your hurt!" I heard kakashi yell running over to me. "What do you mean?" I asked him confused. I'm hurt? Where? 'How do you not feel that?!" He yelled. I looked to shikamaru for an explanation but my vision when black.

Shit...


End file.
